Friday, June 28, 2013

Mourner's Bill of Rights--Tenet Ten

The final tenet of the Mourner's Bill of Rights.

10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. 

This is it.  Day 365.  One year has passed.  Is this all?  Are we supposed to get a medal?  Am I supposed to have some profound spiritual experience?  Is it a wrap for "Grief Survivor?"

"Still" is the word for today.
  • I still ache, a physical ache where my heart is supposed to be.
  • I still think this is a dream and I will wake up and Zach will be here.
  • I still weep over sentimental songs.  Yesterday, Lovely and I got teary when we heard "I'll Be Seeing You" at the Jonesborough Repertory Theatre's USO Show.
  • I still look at photographs and think I can reach into the picture and touch him and take him.
  • I still feel that unbearable longing.
  • I drove past three of his workplaces today.  Still I look in the windows.  Looking for what?
  • Still his car is in the driveway.  Will I wait to do something with it until every tire goes flat?
  • Still I catch myself staring blankly.
  • Still I want to be alone.
  • Still I ask, "Why?"
  • Still I love him.


  1. One year ... it feels like forever and like the blink of an eye. It's STILL impossible to grasp the reality of a future without your child (your heart). I don't know how any of us survive this and yet we do. I'm one month farther on this journey than you are and I'm still searching and waiting and yearning and missing.
    I'm thinking of Zach and you on this very sad anniversary (jarhzeit).

    1. Thank you, Graham. Somehow we do survive.