Thursday, June 20, 2013

Mourner's Bill of Rights--Tenet Nine

Here is tenet 9 from the Mourner's Bill of Rights.  

You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

Normally I would include commentary at this point from Chelsea.   Unfortunately, I tried to change my email address and messed up the subscription.  She cut me off at day 299.   Thus I lost her comments on the last two Mourner's Bill of Rights.   I will have to manage by myself.

If you are worried about my relationship with Chelsea, fear not.  I started the relationship anew and now we are on day 9.  Maybe if I start the grief year over, I'll improve.   Here is what she sent today:
Dear john shuck,

10 Things You Need to Know About Grief

  1. Almost every thought, feeling and behavior is normal.
  2. You will survive.
  3. Healing takes both time and work.
  4. Crying is good.
  5. It's okay to express your emotions.
  6. Lean on others for support.
  7. It's okay to fall apart.
  8. Talk about it.
  9. You are safe.
  10. You are not alone.
Very good.

Now back to tenet 9 of the Mourner's Bill of Rights. 

My congregation has given me six weeks of bereavement leave.   Michelle and Cooper have come to spend a week.   Here is Coop at Bob Evans:

 He is a cutie and nearly a year old.   We have been treasuring him and recalling Zachisms.   Here are Michelle and Zach:

As I mentioned in my most recent sermon, last year on Father's Day was the last day we saw him.   We are approaching the year anniversary of his death, June 28.   I still find myself in moments of denial.   I still think it is temporary and he will come back through the front door.

I know I have "the right" to treasure memories.  I wonder if I will ever get to the point at which I can do so.   Memories feel like torture.  Yes, we remember.  We laugh.  But it rips.  I look at a picture and I want to go in there and grab him.

Like this one.  Lovely found this from our trip to Maine in 1994.  That was a great vacation.  Zach and I climbed "the beeehive."   Here are "my buddies and the sea."

I am going to be spending some of this bereavement leave finding pictures to treasure.  When that gets too painful, I'll just zone out.


  1. Hell, I still think it's temporary. I doubt that I would survive if I knew the truth. So I don't.

    The memory part gets easier. I don't know when, though.

  2. I know what you mean about feeling that he'll come back. I still haven't moved anything from Graham's desk, because if he came back he wouldn't want his things disturbed. I know that's not logical, but neither is the idea of my son being gone.