The Mourners' Bill of Rights: Tenet Five

Here is the latest from Chelsea:

"You have the right to experience "grief bursts"."

~ Alan Wolfelt's fifth tenet of the Right of Mourners

The emotional outbursts can be our greatest enemy but our biggest savior. Sometimes we avoid calling friends, talking about our loved one, or participating in a holiday or event because we fear that it will be too hard. We fear that we won't be able to face pain and the emotions will take over.

Sometimes the things that seem the hardest are not as bad as the anticipation. Once the first holiday or birthday comes along, the day may seem better than expected due to the anticipation. The first steps are always the hardest, but the ones after may get easier.

It is the outbursts that come out of nowhere that can knock us down and catch us by surprise. You could be laughing and enjoying time with friends and family and then all of a sudden you began to cry. It just happens like that. Something reminds you of your loved one and the tears come.

Don't be apologetic for your feelings or tears.

They are a natural part of the process and you have the right to experience them in public or private.

Chelsea

Oddly enough, the outbursts like to come when I am leading worship.  You can't get more public than that.   Yesterday, I had to hold it back during the hymns that had nothing to do with Zach, but that doesn't seem to matter as I get emotional over a lot of things these days.   This Is My Song (in the UUA hymnal) is one of my favorite hymns.  I can barely get through that one.

It was "good church."  We celebrated Pluralism Sunday and I was the anchor for the May Pole.  Emotional outbursts include random smiles and laughter, too.