Saturday, May 4, 2013

Mourners' Bill of Rights: Tenet Four

For those keeping score, according to Chelsea it is now Day 261 of 365 of my grief.  Chelsea is on a different calendar.  I didn't invite Chelsea into my life until about a month or so after Zach's death, 49 days to be precise.   According to the day calculator it has been 310 days since Zach's departure. Here it is in bold:
310 days
Since Thursday June 28 2012
a Thursday 10 months and 5 days from today

How many days are left in my contract?   How many more grieving days do I get before I am supposed to have my s**t together?  Chelsea is cutting me off at 365 (by her count).   I could start her over again, I suppose, but that feels a little self-indulgent.   Today she continues her commentary on The Mourners' Bill of Rights

"You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits."

~Alan Wolfelt's fourth tenet of the Right of Mourners

Your world has been turned upside down since the loss of your loved one. 

Please don't expect yourself to be able to do the same amount of activity or work you had done in the past. 

Your body needs to rest while it is healing. Listen to your mind and body and no one else. 

This emotional rollercoaster may have left you tired, achy, and energy-stricken. The few days or weeks after the death of your loved one, you may have felt like you were on autopilot to move through all the tasks to be completed. Once we come to understand the stark reality of death, we hit our limits and it is very important to implement self-care. 

Remember, you come first!

Did you notice that sentence,
"...The few days or weeks after the death, you may have felt like you were on autopilot..."?

We are into months now.   In 55 days, we will start counting in years.   I am not on autopilot, but I am not flying this thing.   I am conscious of my limits.    But because I also have a tendency towards laziness, narcissism, and self-indulgence, telling me, "Remember, you come first!" is not always sage advice.  

My father, who will be 95 this year, knows one Bible passage by heart.  He used to quote it to me:
A little sleep, a little slumber, 
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man.
When is whatever this is something else than it is?  I don't know.

Why did Forrest Gump start running?

Answer:  Grief?

Why did Forrest Gump stop running?

Answer:  He was done.

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