Lovely and I returned last night from a week at Myrtle Beach. Daughter and Lovely's sisters paid for it for us as a 30th wedding anniversary present. We had an ocean view. Here is sunrise from our balcony:
It was a good break.
Today I finished our taxes and reorganized this blog. I have been having a struggle with this. When I lost the domain name shuckandjive.org in November I started a new website for the radio program that I thought would be a place to separate program information, blog articles, sermons, and then have this blog for grieving.
I realize that I cannot separate out my sermons, thoughts in general about religion, and my grief. It is all a mix. Rather than try to separate it out, I am putting it all here. Posts about grief, pics of Zach, sermons, reflections on faith, all of it, in one place. I will keep Religion For Life for program information about the radio show. I will cross-post sermons there as well. I have posted everything here from June 27, 2012 (the day before Zach's death) to now. This will be my blog.
My grief has been heavy. People can handle sadness, but they have a hard time with anger. My anger comes out in sarcasm. People might feel I am putting them down. I am sorry for that. My blog has disturbed some people. So I had decided to stop the blog for their sake. Now I realize I need this blog. I need to bear witness to Life. This is my life. If it is angry at times, then that is part of my grief.
Right now, my life is a shattered stained glass window.
Maybe if I put it all here, as a mix, it might be easier to take. My task is to put my life and my faith together. It will be something new. I don't know what. I don't know how. I have no idea when I will be done and I may not know if I am done. I don't need to know. I am not anxious about it. I am in no hurry. I am just doing it.
My faith is part of that. I don't believe in the way many others do. God is a puzzler for me. I don't think I am less of a person or less of a minister for admitting that. It was the death of Rick Warren's son, Matthew, that made me realize that I need to do this. Rick Warren will respond in his own way. His faith will be part of that. He will minister in and through his grief. He will help many people.
I, too, need to respond in my own way. The people who resonate with me will not necessarily resonate with someone else and vice versa. Regardless, my journey is mine. While it may frighten or disturb some, it is mine. I own it. I don't need to argue about it or prove anything. I am simply writing about what I have seen. I think that will help many people. It already has.
I trust that those who are disturbed will accept that I am on a path and allow me to help those I can help. In the meantime, I will do my best to minister to all.