Michelle

Zach's Aunt Michelle, more like a sister as she lived with us from seventh grade through college, wrote this for his memorial service.  She wasn't able to be present at the service as she had just given birth to Cooper, Zach's new cousin who he never would meet.   On this year anniversary, Yahrzeit, I post it here:

For those of you who do not know me, I am Zachary’s Aunt Michelle whom he called Mouse or Mish.  I called him Zach, Zachary, Zachy and often, I just called him Meat.   Zachary was the first little boy I ever fell in love with.  He was sweet, sensitive, funny as hell, full of love, incredibly stubborn, protective of his family and we all loved him deeply.

To you Zachary,

I will remain forever grateful for the childhood I was able to experience because of you and Katy.

I will miss our days of watching X-Men together after school.

I will always remember singing you and Katy lullabies and tickling your leg (and back and arm and leg again).

(Okay, the leg tickling never stopped.)

 I will never forget you and your mom cuddling and telling jokes in our living room in Lowville.  Your bond was always so dear to behold.

I will never forget you and your dad playing video games and how excited you would get when you met the next challenge together.

I will never forget the silly games and chants you and Katy made up.  Cockle doodle fun day long, Sweaty Pa, Awuga…just to name a few.

 I will never forget the long car rides of being forced to sit between you two and how, after a good fight, you would both end up falling asleep on me.

I will never forget your chubby baby faces and your high school graduations. 

I will always remember your trip to see me in Syracuse and in New York City when I first moved.  It was such an achievement to treat you as I started to grow up.

I will miss the months of thinking about what to do for you for Christmas.  You always gave me such unique challenges – probably better if we keep those an inside family joke.

I will forever be honored by the sweet poem you wrote for my wedding.

I will forever cherish the thought of your smile, the sound of your laugh,

And how it felt to be loved by you.

When I used to leave our home in Lowville to head back to college Zachary would stand at the door and make a sad face just so I would cry.  And I always did.  I hated leaving my Shuck family and Zachy always made it harder on me.  I know, real sweet kid.  ;  )

Today, I see that I am the one standing at the door making a sad face.  And I fear that I will be crying for you, Zachary, for the rest of my life.

I know that I will be looking to find you in this world.  I am not sure how we will understand life without you.  I all ready see you in the dimple in my son’s right check.  I think of you when I tickle his little 6 day-old leg and he stops crying.  If he offers me his arm or back I think I ‘ll freak out.  I see you in the pictures in my home and think of you every time I want to tell a dirty joke  - which we all know is quite often.  You were my buddy, my brother, my friend, and most simply my beautiful nephew.  Thank you Beverly and John for giving this world Zach.  My heart will always be suffering the loss of his light in this world and will forever be filled with the love and laughter of his memory.

A Year and A Day

In the Jewish tradition remembering the year anniversary of a death is yahrzeit. 

The yahrzeit is a time of remembering the dead by reciting the Kaddish, lighting a 24-hour candle, and remembering the person who has died.

Thanks to GrahamForeverinMyHeart for introducing me to that.  I found this interesting at My Jewish Learning:

When the year of mourning is over, mourners are expected to return to a fully normal life. "One should not grieve too much for the dead," the Shulhan Arukh, the 16th-century code of Jewish law, notes, "and whoever grieves excessively is really grieving for someone else."

I understand that and the importance of making a conscious decision to end the official period of griefdom even as I am not sure if every death is quite the same.   The one year rule does seem a bit wooden.   I will grieve differently over parents than I will my son, won't I?   At one level it seems that grief is really beginning for me now.   Yet there is a sense of needing not to "get over" or "get through" but to move consciously to a new level of relationship with Zach and with my grief.   Then again, I am not sure I have any idea what I am talking about!  

The yahrzeit for me is taking six weeks, the six week leave my congregation has given me through the end of August.  Nothing is planned really.  Just taking time. 

One of our favorite family vacations was to Maine in 1994.  Here are the two who would conquer the world.  Team Shuck.

 At his memorial service Katy wrote and read this:

Team Shuck by Katy Shuck

We battled monsters on the Montana farm
We conquered in volleyball matches against giants
We created plays, songs, and dances to entertain the masses
We devoured the communion bread after church to rejuvenate
We took our wake boards to the Atlantic to overcome sea creatures and live on the edge of danger.
We sled down steep NY mountains in the dead of winter to overcome fears
We created games to cease boredom
We joined forces with others to rake mountains of leaves
We made pizza and delivered to the Gods with a smile
We slept in the same bed for years to ward off the boogeyman
We invited others to join our force
We became flounder and little mermaid as soon as we hit the water to battle Ursula
We shared our deepest secrets
We performed the raptor for tips to supply us for our next adventure
We escaped evil doers and used our strengths to battle ignorance
We lived in six different states to create new memories and experience new tribes
We teased the parentals to show them we care
We drank potent drinks and got lost in laughter
We gravitated toward each other because we could only fight evil as one.
We were a team that could never be severed.

He called me machine for my speed at completing tasks
He gave me many nicknames to make me laugh
He called me his big sister when he needed me
He mollified my tantrums
He gave hugs that heal
He moved to Idaho for it had been the longest time  team shuck had been separated.
He defeated many bullies in my honor
He had admirable powers
He never judged
He made me laugh
He was genuine
He was kind
He was loved and he loved
He was my confidant, my protector, my buddy, my heart
He was my little brother Zach, who truly was,  too good for this world
He is on a new adventure now and I know he continues to use his powers for good.

On the anniversary, yahrzeit, of Zach's death, Katy rode the waves at Myrtle Beach "for and with Zach" she said.