Monday, March 18, 2013

Praise for the Honey Badger

I wake up and suddenly realize I am driving at night.  The two-lane road winds.  I don't have my lights on.  Lovely is sitting next to me and tells me to slow down.  I can't slow down. I can't stop.  I can't see.   I drive off the road and somehow manage to get on the road again.  Dream fades.

Daughter and I are watching Lovely get her photograph taken by a professional photographer with lights and all.  She is giggling and the photographer can't get a good picture.  Next to her in a chair is Zach in some kind of tuxedo and black tights.   He is being silly and making fun of Lovely.  She can't see him.  I ask Daughter if she can see him.  She says, "Yes."  To test her I ask her to describe him.  She tells me what he is wearing.  Dream fades.

The first dream is easy.  I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going and it is scary.   That is an anxiety dream.

Dream two might reflect an awareness of the different ways in which we are grieving and the different ways in which we keep Zach present with us.   We "see" him and don't "see" him.   The emotions I experienced during the dream were euphoria coupled with confusion.

Both dreams reflect anxiety and confusion of what direction our lives are taking since Zach's death.  Yet there is a freedom to it all as well, hence the euphoria of dream two.

Daughter found this video for us, "The Crazy Nastyass Honeybadger." 
"It has been referred to by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom.  It really doesn't give a shit."

The crazy nastyass honeybadger is now my ishta deva.

No comments:

Post a Comment