Checking In

I haven't written much on this blog.  I used to write a great deal, at times several posts a day at Shuck and Jive.  Facebook drew much of that energy away from blogging for many people including me.   Time previously dedicated to blogging now goes to Religion For Life.   The main change is losing Zach.   My passion for writing and my passion for the causes for which I wrote has flattened.   Since his death I have written about my grief, but lately I have written little.   This blog has become a space to park my sermon texts.   That's about it.

A few weeks ago I was listening to a story on NPR about a songwriter.  I have forgotten his name.  He was talking about the first music album he had completed since his wife's death eight years ago.    It took him eight years to find his muse.    As I listened I found myself both relieved and discouraged about the length of time.   It is normal to feel flat for a long time.  That is a relief to know I am not alone in that.   But eight years is a long time to be in a funk.  Losing a son to suicide may take even longer.  

I was reading some old posts at Shuck and Jive and realized that just isn't me anymore.   I cared about a lot of things.  I was cocky, snarky, edgy and ready to scrap.   I am not that at all any longer.   I try to avoid issues now.  I don't trust myself.  I just get angry.   I am angry and impatient.  It is not pretty or exciting.  It is actually boring.   That is life right now.  Flat.   Eight more years of this?  Maybe.  Maybe more.

I have streamlined my work to do what I think I have to do.   I spend time on my strengths and rely on them.  It may or may not be enough, but it is what it is.   I avoid if I can all the little hassles that come with the job.  I really don't have the patience and I don't trust myself not to blow up at someone.   So far we have been able to keep above water.    

Some have wanted me to be more "spiritual."   That is sweet.  I never have been spiritual even on a good day.   I haven't had many good days since June 28, 2012.  I don't even know what spiritual means but I am pretty sure that either I don't have it or I am not it.  Asking me to be spiritual is like asking a frog to sing opera.  I may have a number of gifts and skills, but being spiritual is not one of them.   Even so, on occasion I try to sound spiritual but I doubt I am even close.   Then I feel like a trained dog jumping through hoops.  Most of the time I don't try to please.  I just do what I do.  I am what I am.  I will do the best I can with what I do have.  That will either be good enough or it won't be and I am sure I'll find out.   The best advice I have ever internalized is, "When in doubt, go with your strengths."

The insightful among you will realize that I am not airing laundry with this post.  I am writing about grief.   I am writing about grief long after everyone else is finished waiting for you to get over it.   But you are not "over it" and you need to deal with all the expectations and whatever else when you are, in reality, crippled.   I am not asking for pity.  I am not asking for anything.  I am writing about my experience.    Perhaps it resonates with others.   Perhaps it helps you understand what some grieving people might be experiencing.   Thus it is ministry.

  

February 8th

Zach's birthday. 

I wasn't sure if we would do anything for it.  Katy and Amber saved the day.  They made dinner for Bev and I.  Then the four of  us watched "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" at the Real to Reel.   Felt him present with us.

    

Pete Seeger and Atheism

In 2006, Pete Seeger was interviewed by Beliefnet.   He said:

"I feel most spiritual when I’m out in the woods. I feel part of nature. Or looking up at the stars. [I used to say] I was an atheist. Now I say, it’s all according to your definition of God. According to my definition of God, I’m not an atheist. Because I think God is everything. Whenever I open my eyes I’m looking at God. Whenever I’m listening to something I’m listening to God.

I’ve had preachers of the gospel, Presbyterians and Methodists, saying, “Pete, I feel that you are a very spiritual person.” And maybe I am. I feel strongly that I’m trying to raise people’s spirits to get together."

I resonate with his earthy, naturalistic spirituality and I like his use of the phrase, "According to my definition of God..."

I get heat now and then (and have even lost church members over the years) because they don't think I believe in what they call "god."   People tend to get passionate and emotional about it, too, which is especially odd as we are talking about matters that lack clear definition.  

At one time Pete Seeger called himself an atheist but in 2006 he said, "God is everything."  He didn't change his philosophical views.  He changed his definition of god to fit them.   He said, "According to my definition of God, I'm not an atheist."   He found a way to dismiss the term, atheist, and to retrieve the term, god.

So, along with Pete Seeger, according to my definition of god, I am not an atheist, even though like Pete Seeger, I don't believe in god in any traditional sense.   There are many ways that I might define the term god in such a way that allows me to say "I believe in god."  For instance,  I believe in love.   If love is god, then I believe in god.  

As a minister, I honor my heritage that has used and still uses the term god.  In worship, I find the use of the term to be rhetorically, liturgically, and metaphorically valuable.    I often tell people in my congregation that we are BYOG (Bring Your Own God).   You can define god anyway you wish and use it or not use it as you see fit.   It is your life.

I find that according to popular consciousness god is "good" and atheist is "bad."  I see little effort spent in defining terms.   As long as you don't say you are an atheist and do say you believe in god everyone is supposedly happy.   The labels are more important than the meaning behind the labels.   

That for me is where the problem lies.

One of the reasons I resist throwing the term atheist (and actual atheists) under the bus is because  of discrimination against atheists.   My own state of Tennessee still has this law on the books:

"No person who denies the being of God, or a future state of rewards and punishments, shall hold any office in the civil department of this state."

Here are eleven things atheists cannot do because they don't believe in god according to an article in The Huffington Post.   You might be alarmed.

A core principle of mine is resisting discrimination.  I find much support for that in the Jesus tradition.   This is why for my 21 years of ministry much of my effort has been to resist discrimination against LGBT people.   Perhaps atheists are the new Gay?

It seems to me that people ought to be able to call themselves what they want and believe what they want.  That is certainly true for civil society.  I also think it is true for the church.   In a time in which there is a great deal of change, exploration and experiment should be encouraged.   Some of that exploration and encouragement may be about redefining the term god in a way that makes sense.  It  may also be about letting go of the term and embracing whatever term seems to be helpful.

I like to think there is room for all at the table.

A Risk-Taking Church

I have written letters for the annual report every year for twenty-one years.   I don't know if anyone ever reads them.   Here is this year's.   The challenge facing my congregation is that we have many visitors.   We have many new faces.   Sunday morning is not enough.  What is the glue to make church a community of meaningful work and play?   That was on my mind when I wrote this.

Dear Friends,

This past August marked my eighth anniversary as your pastor.   I have been pastor of this congregation longer than I was pastor of each of my previous congregations.   You know what that means, right?

It means we like each other!

It also means we have a lot of stuff yet to do.  

I am excited, proud, and honored to be the minister of the most progressive congregation in the region.      That doesn't just happen.  It is because faithful, visionary people have taken risks.  People are hearing about us.  Whether it is our advocacy for marriage equality and ecological sustainability, our Jesus Seminars on the Road and Evolution Sunday, we are blazing a trail for a 21^st century faith.  

The question is, “Where to now?”   We have new people coming in our doors every week.  How do we turn visitors into activists, strangers into family, and observers into participants?     That is our central question.

Here is a way that is tried and true.  Give people a friend and a job.  

Here is my question:  How can I help you get that done?    What can I and your leadership do programmatically to help people make connections with one another and to find meaningful things to engage our bodies and minds?  I look forward to your ideas.

For those of you who have been here for a while, here is a question for you:  Remember when you first came through the doors, a little skeptical perhaps, a bit shy, uncertain in a sea of unknown faces.  You weren’t sure when you were supposed to stand up or sit down during worship or if you “really belonged.”    Remember the person who reached out to you and welcomed you and showed you the ropes?  Remember the person who befriended you? 

You are that person today. 

If you are relatively new to our congregation, here is your question:  What do you need to have happen before you can say, “This is my church” and “I belong?”  Can you make that happen? 

We are a permission-giving church and a risk-taking church.   If you have an idea, we have the space and other resources.   If you want to start a class, a ministry, a cause, we are all about that.  As long as you don’t burn the place down, we are good to go.    

Exciting adventures await FPC Elizabethton!

I am honored to take risks with you!

John   

From New York With Love

It was a beautiful celebration at historic Sunny's Bar in Brooklyn, New York the Friday following Thanksgiving Day. 

My little girl, Katy, married the love of her life, Amber, and they are now Amber and Katy Shuck.   Their marriage is recognized by the city and state of New York, the Presbyterian Church (USA), Sunny's Bar, family, friends, and Jesus.

It was a lovely service.  

Sunny's Bar has a nice little stage.   They shared their vows, exchanged rings, and I pronounced them married in my unique Presbyterian way.   

The only one missing was our boy.  We sure missed Zach on this day...

And that is how that bittersweet holiday rolls.   Love my girls...

When you're gay, you get two weddings.   While this one was good for the paperwork, in September they will have a bigger celebration in Tennessee.   One of these days, this official marriage license will be recognized everywhere (including Tennessee)...

 Here they are with the proud parents...

We are so proud of our ladies and we wish them at least two lifetimes of happiness!

Frank Shaefer Guilty But Good

I am following with interest the story about the conviction of Rev. Frank Shaefer for officiating at the wedding for his son.   A Methodist court found him guilty of showing "disobedience to the order and discipline of the United Methodist Church." The church court will pronounce its punishment later today.  It could be a defrocking.  Or it could be a reprimand.

He officiated at the wedding six years ago and just a month before the statute of limitations would have expired, a church member filed a complaint.   The reverend did not advertise that he was officiating at this event but he didn't keep it secret either.

I find this all quite interesting as I plan to officiate at my daughter's wedding in New York a week from Friday.    Because of polity differences, the United Methodist Church as a whole has not progressed as far as other mainline churches including my own, the Presbyterian Church (USA).    We have been able to remove the hurtful language.   Officiating at holy unions are not against our church rules.  I have been doing holy unions for same-gender couples for years.  I advertise it on our church's website.

For Presbyterians, officiating at legal weddings, that is signing marriage licenses, is a bit of a different story. Rev. Jane Spahr, who I have written about and interviewed, was found guilty of violating her ordination vows for marrying gay couples in California.   She was supposed to be rebuked but her presbytery refused to rebuke her.  

Many PCUSA ministers have been officiating at same-gender weddings but few charges are ever filed even when they are public.   Three hundred of us clergy types have signed a statement that we will do it  or have done it and we will face the consequences should any arise.   This is that statement:

As a teaching elder in the PCUSA, I have married or am willing to publicly marry same gender couples in my pastoral role, in obedience to my ordination vow to “show the love and justice of Jesus Christ.” Respecting the conscience of fellow Presbyterians, I accept the consequences of this declaration, including the provisions of discipline in our Book of Order.

Yup, that's me and 300 of my closest friends.

We Presbyterians will hopefully end this church court nonsense next summer at the General Assembly when we pass an Authoritative Interpretation that will allow for clergy in their pastoral roles to officiate at same-gender weddings.    Shoot, we may even change the definition of marriage and maybe even the texts of the Bible itself.  God really did create Adam and Steve (and Mike and Tony and Katy and Amber).   So there.

I do feel for the Methodists though.   It is because of polity.  Methodists allow delegates from other continents (like Africa) to vote on their issues so they have a heck of a time moving ahead.   The good news is that high profile people in the Methodist church such as Bishop Talbert, are officiating at same-gender weddings anyway and inviting the rest of the clergy to "just do it."    

That is what it takes in times like these.

------------------

UPDATE:  Rev. Schaefer received a 30 day suspension but is now even more emboldened to be an advocate for LGBT people.  Here is the story.

Wedding Bells

I am looking forward to signing the marriage license for my daughter, Katy, and her betrothed, Amber, the day after Thanksgiving in New York City.   In order to do this I had to be registered with the City of New York.   I had to provide:

1. A notarized signature to accompany my application.
2. A copy of my driver's license.
3. A fifteen dollar money order.
4. A copy of the cover of my denomination's directory and a copy of the page that listed me as a clergy member in good standing.   I printed and sent a copy of the on-line version.  This is me. 

Within a week I received this in the mail:

Pretty, huh?  I will sign the license and officiate at the marriage of my daughter and soon-to-be daughter-in-law as a PC(USA) minister or teaching elder or whatever it is we are called these days. When the deed is done, if I remember, I will post a pic of the signed marriage license and a pic of the happy couple.

It is worth it for Katy and Amber to get a marriage license even though Tennessee won't recognize it.   This summer's decision by the supreme court will give same-gender couples some federal benefits.    Nevertheless, it is not equal.    Until every state and the federal government recognizes marriage equality, their marriage still will not be the same as mine in the eyes of the law.    Thus it is important to do this and to be public about it.  Every action for equality, both personal and political, is a step toward equality.

Some have asked me if I can do this as a PC(USA) minister.  The answer, 

"Yes, of course.  Watch me."   

 The follow-up question is if I will get in "trouble" for doing this.  The answer is, 

"One can only hope."  

That is the tongue-in-cheek answer.   Truth is I will face whatever consequences come to me.  I have already signed the Stand For Love statement.   How many more statements must I sign before we change these archaic rules?

If someone makes a stink, then I will deal with it and use it as an opportunity to witness to equality.  If no one makes a stink, then I hope that will encourage clergy who are afraid of "getting in trouble" to be bold.   I see it as a win-win.

The bottom line is that this isn't about activism.  This is my daughter.  This is my blood.   Even as I have been active in the equality cause since my daughter was in kindergarten, it is personal now.    In a sense it has been personal for some time as I have worked alongside my sisters and brothers.   But, now, it is really personal.    When it is your child, you take no crap from anyone.  Ever. 

My ultimate loyalty is not to Presbyterian politics.   Hordes of enraged LayMEN couldn't keep me from officiating at my daughter's wedding.   Even if I were to lose my ordination (which won't happen) I am at peace with that. 

The time has come for the country and for the PC(USA) to get on board with reality.   The next General Assembly (to which I am a commissioner) will decide on whether to change the definition of marriage to reflect marriage equality and at the very least they will decide to make it kosher for clergy to officiate at Big Gay Weddings.   

It's all good.

And getting better.