Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year

New Year's Eve/Day has proven to be more sad than Christmas.   Michelle, Tom, and Cooper came for Christmas.  It was low-key and that was good.   Don Steele helped out with the services, putting together the whole Tidings of Comfort service.   We had five youth and young adults provide music for Christmas Eve.   It was really nice, especially as I have been privileged to watch all of them grow up in the church during my seven years here.   I put the liturgy together and Don preached.  I hid behind the tree.  

Lovely and I spent New Year's Eve together alone.  We did not want to do anything with anyone.  We did parallel play.  She put together this cabinet she ordered and I watched football.  We watched the ball drop and cried at midnight.  

The television flashed pictures of famous people who died in 2012.  Zach wasn't one of them.  He won't be remembered in lists.  No big accomplishments will be credited to him.  But he was the most important person in my life who has died this past year, or in any year.     Zach will not see any of 2013 or any year hereafter and that is heartbreaking.  Unbearable to imagine.  It is such a waste. 

If I could do anything to change this past year, I would.   But I can't.

I love you, buddy.


  1. Sending Love from Rhode Island to your Whole Family ( I know thats a lot of people, but that's what I mean).

    I am sad that I never met Zach, but grateful for all the stories I have read about him, by so many people, and all the photos shared....

  2. I know that empty, helpless, silent feeling. We don't really celebrate New Year's Eve even now, thirteen years later. But there are more important things, like loving the people around us and cherishing every moment we're given with them...and we do so knowing that it can all be taken away in an instant. I'm so sorry, John. I know Zach didn't do this because of you, or to you...he simply could not bear the pain any more. As parents we want to protect our kids, and it feels like we've failed...but there was something keeping us from reaching into that deep, dark place and changing things. When you meet Zach again, you can explain it to him...you can ask him why...or you can enfold him in your arms one more time and be grateful that life does not end at death. Blessings to you and yours this New Year. Vicki W.