Thursday, August 30, 2012

Birthday (originally posted August 30, 2012)

My birthday is today.   I am 51.  I remember my father's 51st birthday.  It is the first birthday of his that I remember.   I was seven.   The previous summer we had moved to Butte, Montana from Winthrop, Washington.  My father decided that seven years of cattle ranching was about enough fun and returned to teaching.  He taught Chemistry at Montana Tech in Butte until his retirement.

On his 51st birthday, my mom made him a cake.  It had five big candles and one little candle.   I remember this so clearly.  She counted them off:  "Ten, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, and one."   Blowing out 51 candles would have been vulgar.   Once you hit fifty you start counting in decades.   

Longevity is in the genes.  I celebrated with my father his 94th birthday this summer on June 6th.   I can't remember if we had a cake for him or not.  If we did I am sure we used those candles that are shaped liked numbers, 9 and 4.   Funny, I really don't remember if we had candles for him or not.  After 94 birthdays he may have graduated from having to blow out candles.   Just give him his favorite, pecan pie, already.

My father has had a lot of birthdays.   I haven't been there for all of them but for a good number of them.   I am lucky that way.   I have to remember that today.    Because it is going to be a sad day.  Zach won't be at his old man's 51st birthday, let alone his old man's 94th should that unlikely event occur.

It is those little things like memories of birthday candles that come out of nowhere and heat up that burning hole in the chest.

Here are a couple of photos I just found in my Facebook collection.  Here are my parents and me from three years ago in Montana. 



Zach and I (and Lovely in the background) waiting outside Grimaldi's in Brooklyn, NY on Thanksgiving 2010.   That was a good trip.


Birthdays still happen until they don't.  As impossible as it seems, we still have memories to make.    

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Chasing Happiness--A Sermon (originally posted August 26, 2012)

Chasing Happiness
John Shuck

First Presbyterian Church
Elizabethton, Tennessee

August 26, 2012

“His disciples said to him, ‘When will the Father’s empire come?’ ‘It won’t come by watching for it. It won’t be said, ‘Look, here!’ or ‘Look, there!’ Rather, the Father’s empire is spread out upon the earth, and people don’t see it.’”
--Gospel of Thomas 113

Happiness is the theme for this summer’s worship services. For the past few years I have coordinated the worship services around the four paths of Creation Spirituality. I connect a path to a season of the year. Summer with its abundance seems logically connected to the via positiva. The way or the path of wow and wonder. It is a path of fullness. It is life and light and fruitfulness. It is royalty and celebration. It is music in 4/4 time. It is joyful. It is happy.

This summer I thought it would be good to examine happiness. What can we learn about happiness from the sages in our past as well as from our present knowledge. What is happiness from the perspective of science and spirit? A helpful guide has been Jonathan Haidt and his book, The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom.

In one of his chapters he introduces the happiness formula:

H = S + C + V

H is happiness.

S is our biological set point. According to Dr. Haidt, happiness is set for us biologically. Happiness for the most part is in our genes. It isn’t only in our genes. We can adjust our set point or our set range. Dr. Haidt says we can cheat and push up that set point in three ways,

1. medication
2. meditation and
3. cognitive behavioral therapy (ie. “fake it ‘til you make it”).

The sages past discovered early on, long before medication, that meditation was the principle way to increase happiness, to raise that set point. They knew of medication too. But it is trickier. It can have side effects. Drink that gladdens the heart can also cause other problems. The medication that the psychologist, Dr. Haidt is referring to is modern medication such as Prozac. That has been helpful, in many cases life-saving, but also tricky. Of course, CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy was probably linked to virtue in the past. The ancient form of CBT would be in the Book of Proverbs. The wisdom found there is about changing behavior. Such as:
Do not love sleep, or else you will come to poverty;
open your eyes, and you will have plenty of bread.

All cultures have sage wisdom, much of it having to do with modifying behavior. For the most part, happiness is set biologically. From a modern perspective, these are three things that can boost up that set point and provide a head start: Medication, Meditation, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  That is the S in the equation. There is more.

H = S + C + V

C represents the conditions of life. While the Buddha might have insisted that happiness is within, there are some external things that can affect our happiness, and we would do well to change them if we can.  According to the serenity prayer:
Give me the courage to change the things I can.
The serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The wisdom to know the difference.

Some of the things to change if you can are exposure to noise, commuting time, amount of control over your own life decisions and stressors, body image, and the one that trumps them all:  
“the strength and number of a person’s relationships.” P. 94 
This is what Dr. Haidt says about it:
“…having an annoying office mate or roommate, or having chronic conflict with your spouse—is one of the surest ways to reduce your happiness. You never adapt to interpersonal conflict; it damages every day, even days when you don’t see the other person but ruminate about the conflict nonetheless.” P. 94

So externals matter. There are ways to increase happiness by working on the conditions of life, particularly our relationships. That is the C in the equation. The most important condition or C is love—not just love in the abstract but loving relationships with real flesh and blood human beings.

H= S + C + V

V is action. These are voluntary activities. V stands for those things we voluntarily choose to do. They include activities that seek pleasure and that build on our skills and strengths. Haidt writes:
“So V (voluntary activity) is real….You can increase your happiness if you use your strengths, particularly in the service of strengthening connections—helping friends, expressing gratitude to benefactors.” P. 97-8

If C is love then V is work.

To put it simply in our happiness formula,

H = S + C + V

Happiness equals your set point plus loving relationships plus meaningful work.

That was a sermon I already preached on June 24th the first Sunday of summer when I started this series.

Four days later on June 28th, my 25 year old son, Zachary, died unexpectedly.

How do I fit that in the formula?

Happiness equals set point plus love plus work minus tragedy.

Jonathan Haidt does say that the set point is called set point for a reason. People win the lottery and after the initial euphoria wears off they tend to drop back to their initial happiness biological set point. People experience tragedy and after a time of grief then they tend to move back up to their biological set point.

I guess we’ll see. I am not so sure about that but I’ll keep you posted.

To prepare for this series I bought a bunch of books on happiness. They have titles such as:
  • Stumbling On Happiness
  • The Pursuit of Happiness: Discovering the Pathway to Fulfillment, Well-Being, and Enduring Personal Joy
  • Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill
  • Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment
  • The Happiness Project: Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun
I think those are all probably very good books. I haven’t opened any of them.

Recall this scene in The Wizard of Oz.   The scene is near the end when Dorothy, the Lion, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man have discovered that the Wizard is a phony. He is no wizard. He is a blowhard from Nebraska. He does know a few things, though. He proceeds to pull out of his black bag a diploma for the scarecrow, a testimonial for the tin man, and a medal of valor for the lion. He knows that they had all those virtues already. They just needed them recognized.

Then it is Dorothy’s turn. Dorothy sees the helpless look on the wizard’s face and she realizes she is in a different universe from her friends. She says,
“I don’t think there is anything in that black bag for me.”

No there isn’t. She is from a different world. A tornado ripped through her life. Her friends can watch and try to comfort her from a distance but there is nothing they or the phony wizard can give her that will help her get where she needs to go.

Like Dorothy, there is nothing in that stack of happiness books for me. At least for now. They are from a different world. Maybe they will be helpful someday.

In a day or two lives will be ripped apart along Florida’s coast and the Gulf Coast due to Hurricane Isaac. Hopefully there will be enough warning so people can find safety but no amount of forecasting and television coverage can communicate the pain of loss. It is surreal watching the before knowing there will be an after.

This life is fragile. I wonder if the only way we can protect our sanity is to pretend it isn’t.

When I selected the texts for this summer, I chose this saying for today from the Gospel of Thomas. It is a quote attributed to Jesus that sounds a lot like one from Luke 17:20-21:
When asked by the Pharisees when the empire of God would come, he answered them, “You won’t be able to observe the coming of the empire of God. People won’t be able to say, ‘Look , here it is!’ or ‘Over there!’ On the contrary, the empire of God is among you.”

I like the Thomas version more:
“His disciples said to him, ‘When will the Father’s empire come?’ ‘It won’t come by watching for it. It won’t be said, ‘Look, here!’ or ‘Look, there!’ Rather, the Father’s empire is spread out upon the earth, and people don’t see it.’” --Gospel of Thomas 113

One question is whether or not Jesus is right. Is the empire of God spread out upon the earth and among us or is it something that needs to come? That is a big question. Is God going to make it better someday or is what we got what we got and you ought to find the the empire of God within it?

Scholars cannot agree on what Jesus thought about that. The texts attribute both views to him. Some say Jesus was apocalyptic, that is that God will intervene and make life better. Others say no, Jesus believed that life is what we see and what we make it to be.

So what view is likely to make us happier? Will we be happier if we believe that the empire is something that will come in the future or will we be happier if we believe that the empire of God is spread out everywhere right now?

I tend to think that people believe what they need to believe. For what it is worth, I say, believe whatever gets you through.

This came in an email to me today. I liked it so I will share it with you:
Hope is not pretending that troubles don't exist.
It is the trust that they will not last forever,
that hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome.
It is faith that a source of strength and renewal lies within
to lead us through the dark to the sunshine.

I suppose this empire thing is both/and for me. Sometimes the sadness and pain are too great to see the beauty and hope that is present, but I have trust or faith that it is there and that it will come. Maybe, in time, we will find it--in a happiness formula, maybe in someone’s black bag, a stack of books, a song, a scripture verse, a journey inward, or maybe through the eyes of a friend who can help us see it.

Amen.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Bitchy (originally posted August 24, 2012)

The song that keeps running through my head is "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" by the Beatles.   Before all the Beatlemaniacs tell me what the song "means" or "meant" for me it is about grief.   Grief is Love.   Grief is Love that has lost its object.   It doesn't matter whether the grief is over a breakup or a death, the song speaks about the loneliness of grief, its shame and its social stigma.     Here are the lyrics
Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
No that won't do.  You've got to hide your grief away.  Hide it away.  We don't want to see it.  Take it to a shrink or to a group or to your momma but don't show it.   Your time is up.  We have to move on.  When are you going to get better?  When will you be your old self again?   When are you going to get to that "new normal?"   No one is saying this.  This is my projection even as it isn't just my projection.   No one wants to see people grieving forever.   So for those who do wonder when I am going to be my old self again, I do have an answer.   Here it is.   I will be better on April 1, 2075 at 3:30 p.m.  Can you wait that long? 

The astute observer will note that the patient is starting to get in touch with his anger.   It reveals itself in sarcasm and painful witticisms.    When approaching the patient take care not to do the following or you may lose your eye teeth.
  1. Mention God.  The patient and the Divine Master of the Universe are not on speaking terms.  No theological acumen on your part will do anything to change that.
  2. Attempt to cheer up the patient or say something "hopeful" such as "Someday you will grow from this."   Grrrrr.
  3. Give advice to the patient of any kind about any thing.  Period.
I know this is confusing.  It is one thing to respond to someone's hurt and pain.  It is totally another to try to respond to anger.   The most important thing to know about "the patient" is that if you do run into anger, remember it is not about you.   You could note that the sky is blue and I might trip out on you.   I have changed, not anyone else.    Those of us who are grieving may not even know what these feelings are about and where they are directed.    The sad part is that "the patient" may drive away those s/he needs most.  At least that is what the patient fears.

So, please, hang in there with the patient and keep trying.

For those wanting to be present with someone in grief, here are some suggestions

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A Universe From Nothing (originally posted August 22, 2012)

I just interviewed Lawrence Krauss, physicist and author of A Universe From Nothing: Why There Is Something Rather Than Nothing.    I enjoyed both the book and the conversation and you can hear the interview in a few weeks on Religion For Life.  

This is a book about cosmology and the universe and how wild it is.  He takes a few well-deserved and necessary pokes at theologians who want to fit "God" in there somewhere.   He shows convincingly to me at least that there is not much place for "supernatural shenanigans" as he puts it.   He writes:
A universe without purpose or guidance may seem, for some, to make life itself meaningless.  For others, including me, such a universe is invigorating.  It makes the fact of our existence even more amazing, and it motivates us to draw meaning from our own actions and to make the most of our brief existence in the sun, simply because we are here, blessed with consciousness and with the opportunity to do so.   p. 181

I have been blathering for six years on this blog.  I have expressed my doubts about God, life after death, and what have you from the vantage point of a minister.   I like religion.  I embrace its social aspect.  I regard its mythologies as poetry.   When religion is honest it is good.  But it is hardly ever literal for me.   

In doing this, I have felt a little guilty.  Perhaps I was writing from the perspective of a person born sucking a silver spoon.  Perhaps if I suffered more I would more readily accept the teachings of the orthodox faith and bow to the wisdom of Mother Church and her guardians.  If I was more acquainted with pain I would embrace the truth of the bodily resurrection and the reality of a personal God.

Now with the death of my son, I think I am a legitimate member of the "sufferer's club."   If that isn't a pitiful club to join I don't know what might be.

Yet even after this experience, I cannot say I am more willing to embrace orthodoxy.   I am pretty much the same as far as all of that goes.  I recognize the impermanence of life more.   Some of the theologians got that right.  I do love church.  I love the hymns and the scriptures, but more importantly I love the people.    I am fiercely proud and in awe of anyone who does and believes in whatever they need to do or believe in in order to cope with the excruciating fragility of life.

But after all of this, I am, at the end of the day, no more and no less than I was before, still in the camp of Krauss, who writes about the universe's future thusly:
Our universe will then recollapse inward to a point, returning to the quantum haze from which our own existence may have begun.  If these arguments are correct, our universe will then disappear as abruptly as it probably began.

In this case, the answer to the question, "Why is there something rather than nothing?" will then simply be:  "There won't be for long."  p. 180

Oddly enough, I am OK with that.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Preferences (originally posted August 20, 2012)

On the upstairs coffee table the change is piling up.   I empty the change out of my pockets there at night.     Every couple of weeks it would vanish.  It was kind of a game.  Zach would grab it--probably for cigarettes or gas or who knows.   Yesterday I told Lovely that he hadn't picked up the change and she said she used to leave things around, too.  She would leave for him leftover food especially of the meat and potato variety.    Now we will have to eat our own leftovers and spend our own change.

It is the little things that get me.   That hollow burning pain in my chest never leaves even as it changes in intensity.  It burns when I drive by the Dairy Queen, or Mellow Mushroom, or Lowe's, or the Roadrunner, or ETSU.  I haven't driven on the street by his apartment since we closed accounts with his landlord.   I don't like to drive to that side of town. 

On some days or on some parts of a day, when the chest burning is low, I think that I am coming along.  Then I realize the truth.  It shrieks through me like a January Montana wind.  He isn't here.  He isn't coming back.  Ever.   What does any of it matter?  The burning starts again.   It reminds me of Robert Frost:
The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You're one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,
A wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you're two months back in the middle of March. 
I have led worship three times.   This was the first I didn't have to hold back tears during the sermon.  I was doing pretty well until our organist, David, played "Be Still My Soul" during the offertory.  Then I started blubbering.   I guess I am just going to have to blubber through every damn song in the hymnal.

The funeral home has been very helpful in many ways.   I subscribe to a daily grief support--words of wisdom thing--via the email.  This was today's:
Your Needs Come First When Grieving 
  1. Express preferences. Pay attention to your preferences. Let others know what you can't or don't want to do. 
  2. Know your limits. If you are tired or don't feel like doing something, you can choose not to do it. The most important thing is your care. Your friends and family will understand if you do not join in some activities.
  3. Say no. If you are invited out, but do not feel like going, it is okay to say no. Others may want to see you out, as they do not like to see you in pain. If you choose to decline some activities, you do not need to give a reason.

That is nice to know.  In that spirit, here are some preferences. 

I hear tell that there is a presidential election this year.   I am not really that oblivious but I really don't care.  I will show up and vote for one of the suits, but it is all so shallow to me.  The only thing more shallow is Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) politics.    Many of those in my former life who were on the "other side of the aisle" have been gracious to us through this loss.   That matters to me.   I will go to the presbytery meeting and stay for worship and see people.  But I doubt I'll be present for the business.   I don't want to debate or to engage in decision-making or watch others do it.  I sure as hell don't want to fight.

I have resigned from every community and presbytery committee and board.  Every day when I open my e-mail I "unsubscribe" to the various newsletters of groups soliciting my righteous passion.     In regards to work, I am letting go of anything I have to run, plan for, organize, schedule, or moderate (except for the monthly session meeting).   Thankfully, I have a great secretary, Sandra, who can administrate a lot of this.

Also, I have a colleague, Rev. Don Steele, a retired PC(USA) minister who I wrote about previously.    Don is taking some of the load of working with committees and so forth.   We have given him the title, "Assistant to the Pastor."   Hardly a title for what he has done for me, my family, and my congregation.   This is all I am going to say about it, but I do hope our presbytery will recognize his gifts and receive him as a member.  As far as I am concerned, no minister can hold a candle to him.

For my part, I can lead worship.  I will do the radio show, Religion For Life.   I will do the funerals and the pastoral care and counseling, the weddings, the hospital, the conversations over coffee, and the meeting of new people.    I will hang out with the youth, but I won't run the program.    I am getting more and more requests for holy unions for same-gender couples.   I am glad the word is getting out about that.   Those are gratifying.   Don will help with all of this, too.

I'll show up for stuff.   Sometimes I may not.   On some days I will just stay home.   Lovely doesn't have such flexibility with her job.  But since I do, I will take advantage of it so I can be more present to her.   

I will also find ways to grieve for my son both with Lovely and Daughter and the extended family and alone.

So let it be written. So let it be done.



Sunday, August 19, 2012

And David Danced--A Sermon

And David Danced
John Shuck

First Presbyterian Church
Elizabethton, Tennessee

August 19, 2012

David and all the house of Israel were dancing before the Lord with all their might, with songs and lyres and harps and tambourines and castanets and cymbals.
2 Samuel 6:5

My wife’s grandmother is one of those people I have always enjoyed.
She is very down to earth.
About ten years ago the family was gathered and we were talking politics.
The conversation turned toward President Clinton
who at the time had just left office.
Grandma Helen had the best evaluation I have heard then or since.
She shook her head and said,
“He was a good president but a naughty boy.”

I think that might be a good evaluation for King David in the Bible.
He was a good king, but a naughty boy.

Some of the best literature in the Bible is found
in the narratives of 1 and 2 Samuel.
They are the stories, for the most part of David.
He is the shepherd boy chosen by God over his older,
stronger brothers because the text tells us
For the Lord does not see as mortals see;
they look on the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Sam. 16:7

David is the one chosen by God to replace Saul and be king over Israel.
Many of the stories reflect this tension between Saul and David.

When Saul goes mad, David is the one who soothes him with music.
David is the brave young man who slays the giant Goliath
with a slingshot and a smooth stone.
David is a mighty warrior.
While Saul kills his thousands, David kills his ten thousands.
The plot is complicated as Saul’s daughter Michal loved David.
But David really loved Saul’s son, Jonathan.
When Jonathan is killed in battle, David weeps for him and says,
“..my brother, Jonathan,
greatly beloved were you to me;
Your love to me was wonderful,
Passing the love of women.” 2 Sam. 1:26

David is a victor and knows how to celebrate his victory.
After he brings back the ark of the covenant,
           he strips down to his underwear and dances.
David and all the house of Israel were dancing before the Lord with all their might, with songs and lyres and harps and tambourines and castanets and cymbals. 2 Samuel 6:5

His wife, Michal, is not impressed and tells him that
 he is dishonoring his role as king.
But apparently, God was on David’s side on this one.
The text says that
“Michal, the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.” 2 Sam. 6:23

Biblical literature has an odd way of punishing its characters
in its attempt to determine what God might think.
I think it is important to remember that this is literature
and these are all literary characters created by their authors.
These literary characters include the character, God.
This literature has left a legacy in which tragedy is viewed as divine punishment.
But just because these ancient authors wrote in that way,
it doesn’t mean it is true.

Yet the passion is poignant.
David is acquainted with grief.
In addition to the death of his beloved, Jonathan,
David’s son,Absalom, also dies in battle.
David voices one of the greatest cries of grief
known in western literature:
‘O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would that I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!’ 2 Sam. 18:33

In David, we see great joy and great grief.
And it is all out there.

In a narrative that begins with another great line from literature,
         “In the Spring of the year the time when kings go out to battle,”
David does his naughty thing.
He spies on the beautiful Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, bathing.
He has an affair with her while her husband is fighting for him.
Because he thinks she might be pregnant,
David tries to cover it up by calling Uriah
back to spend the night with his wife.
Uriah is such an honorable soldier that he
refuses to enjoy pleasure with his wife
while his comrades are fighting.
Then David has Uriah sent to the front lines where he will be killed.
After that happens, David makes Bathsheba his wife.

David’s scheme does not go unnoticed.
The Lord who sees on the heart also sees the sins of the heart.
The prophet Nathan confronts David with a story:

Once there was a man who had a small lamb.
He loved his lamb as if it were a child.
Another man had many lambs.
But the day the wealthy man wanted a feast
he took the poor man’s lamb and slaughtered it.

“What should happen to that man?” Nathan asks David.
David filled with righteous indignation said that the wealthy man deserves to die!

And Nathan says, and I need to use the King James to get the full effect,
“Thou art the man!”

Nathan tells David of his sin and David repents.
In the biblical way of regarding tragedy as judgment,
the child of David and Bathsheba dies in infancy.
And in the biblical way of expressing redemption,
another son of Bathsheba and David,
Solomon, eventually becomes David’s heir.

David is credited with writing the psalms,
all the great poetry of praise and lament.
It was fitting to credit David with that as his own life was filled with passion.
Plus he was a musician who could dance.
Current scholarship does not regard the psalms as authored by David.
In fact, the literature surrounding David is now considered by many scholars to be fiction more than history.
He is like King Arthur, more of a legend than an historical figure.

While that might be considered a loss,
that is the loss of the historicity of David, I tend to think of it as a gain.
Seen as literature, the authors come alive.
What is it they want to tell us about life, passion, and God through these stories?

In the character of David,
we are shown the depth and the height of human experience.
The greatest joys and the deepest sorrows are found in him.
In David, kingdoms are formed.
Battles are won.
Battles are lost.
He achieved greatness and he paid for that with great personal pain.
In the portrait of David,
the authors paint a life fully lived, filled with joy and sorrow.

This summer’s sermon series is on happiness.
One of the resources is a book by psychologist Jonathan Haidt,
The Happiness Hypothesis:  Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom.

One of the topics he addresses is life’s purpose and meaning.
Rather than speak objectively about the meaning of life,
which is pretty hard to do, actually,
he writes subjectively about something that is a bit more approachable.
What is the meaning within life?

How can we make our lives meaningful and purposeful? He writes:
Why do some people live lives full of zest, commitment, and meaning, but others feel their lives are empty and pointless? P. 219

The goal isn’t to judge ourselves or others
but really to give ourselves permission to invent or to reinvent ourselves.
We might look at some of the things human beings need.
In the end he says we are social creatures and industrial creatures.
We need love and attachments.
We need real relationships.
Also, we need vital engagement and meaningful work.
We need a calling, if you will.

He writes:
Happiness is not something you can find, acquire, or achieve directly. You have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of those conditions are within you, such as coherence among the parts and levels of your personality. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you. Just as plants need sun, water, and good soil to thrive, people need love, work, and connection to something larger. It is worth striving to get the right relationships between yourself and others, between yourself and your work, and between yourself and something larger than yourself. If you get these relationships right, a sense of purpose and meaning will emerge. P. 237-8

As I look at the story of David
who has relationships with many, both men and women,
who had meaningful work, battling giants and enemies
who established a kingdom for something higher than himself,
          that is God,
who sins, and yet knows enough not to blame someone else for it,
          or wallow in guilt,
          but repents and pays the consequences,
who grieves deeply in his heart,
who makes music, writes poetry, and dances…

…so what of David?

Was he happy?
He probably had a good a chance as anyone.
So do we all….
Amen.


.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Meaning of Life, Part 77 (originally posted August 17)


"He was a gift to us for twenty-five years.  When the gift was finally snatched away, I realized how great it was.  Then I could not tell him.  An outpouring of letters arrived, many expressing appreciation for Eric.  They all made me weep again:  each word of praise a stab of loss.

How can I be thankful, in his gone-ness, for what he was?   I find I am.  But the pain of the no more outweighs the gratitude of the once was.  Will it always be so?

I didn't know how much I loved him until he was gone.

Is love like that?" p. 13


"....Rather often I am asked whether the grief remains as intense as when I wrote.  The answer is, No.  The wound is no longer raw.  But it has not disappeared.  That is as it should be.  If he was worth loving, he is worth grieving over." p. 5

--Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament For a Son